Listening
How often do you "Pretendo Listen?" When we go through the motions without really being attentive, we engage in "Pretendo Listening." When our children are focused on watching TV or playing a video game, and we try to tell them something, they often say 'uh-huh,' but do not follow through; they engage in 'Pretendo Listening.' When we are reading, watching television, or otherwise preoccupied, we frequently listen to our kids with "one ear." "Pretendo Listening" is hearing without 'receiving' the communication.
Other things can interfere with our ability to listen. Did you know that the human mind can "process" or "hear" 400 to 800 words per minute, but most people speak at 100 to 150 words per minute? The difference between what we CAN process and what we actually hear makes it very easy for us to "Pretendo" listen because our minds stray to other things so we do not really "hear" at all! Comprehension is lost when we "Pretendo" listen.
Outside noises, thoughts about what you will do next, or something that just happened may intrude on the communication at hand. Staying focused on the people and conversation in the present will help you remember and understand what was said.
Be in the present.
While we generally think we are listening when we hear, our brain may not receive all of the message communicated when we "Pretendo Listen." Think of the non-verbal cues from body language that are missed when our minds are 'somewhere else.'
It is also essential to "read" the nonverbal cues given by the speaker and give nonverbal feedback [head nodding, smiles, etc.] so THEY know you are listening. Children may try to move closer to you, tug on your clothing or arms, get louder, or begin to act up if they think you are not attentive. If you think your child is feeling this way, try stopping what you are doing and positioning yourself at eye level with your child. Then focus your eye contact on their face. Ask them to tell you about it again.
When your child is trying to describe a concern to you, try acknowledging what they say with something like "Oh...I see." or ask a question to confirm you understand what they are asking or saying. Words like these, along with a caring attitude, extend an invitation for the child to say more.
Children learn by observing other people, and most importantly, their parents. If you show them how to be a good listener, they will learn to be a good listener. Over time your relationship with your child will solidify, so when you reach those teenage years, they will more likely turn to you for advice.
Listening Activities in Preparation for Reading and Writing
Preschool Age: What makes this sound? I recorded familiar sounds for kids to identify. We took turns identifying the sounds until one person reached a score of 5 correct. Later, I found a bingo game with pictures of objects matching the sounds, which provided hours of fun for them when they were 3 to 5 years old. Click here to find an online version. Sounds I recorded included water running in the sink, a toilet flushing, bacon frying in a skillet, a cat purring, a cat meowing, a dog barking, a door opening and closing, a doorbell, a chip bag, a ball bouncing, a refrigerator humming, etc. Find an animal sound listening game here.
Preschool Age through Kindergarten (or any age for a struggling reader) Can you mimic me? When your child reaches 4 or 5, try making speech sounds: 'b' , 'k', 't' , etc. Ask the child to copy you if they can't. Look in the mirror and talk about which part of your mouth moved.
Later, when the first task is easy, draw the letter that matches the sound on paper, in the sand, or make it with Play-Doh. As this becomes easier, add two sounds and then three sounds. Then 'roll' the sounds together to form a word. /k/ /a/ /t/ | /d/ /o/ /g/ | /k/ /ow/ (cat, dog, cow). Tell them to remember to keep their voice 'turned on' when they 'roll' the sounds together. If this is too challenging, take a break for a few weeks and try again. Model it using crayons or markers on paper and slowly drawing a line from sound to sound on the paper. Have them do this with you and with practice, they will improve.
Preschool Age through First Grade: Sing! Nursery rhyme songs build tone recognition and matching skills, which are critical for matching vowel tones to letters and letter patterns later on. Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Row Row Row Your Boat, If You're Happy and You Know it, and Down by the Bay are great beginning songs. Raffi's sing-along songs are also good, especially the alphabet song, the "Banana Boat Song," and "Baby Baluga."
Preschool Age through Elementary Age: Poetry Books. Jack Prelutsky has a knack for rhyme that helps children engage with the rhythm of words, which is essential for learning to speak, read, and write multiple-syllable words. The ability to separate words into sentences and syllables within words is a precursor to phoneme awareness and an important skill when learning to read and spell.
Elementary School Age: Marco Polo. When my children and grandchildren were young, pool time usually included a game of Marco Polo. One swimmer was blindfolded while the others called out "Marco," and another said "Polo." The blind folded child had to listen to the voices and try to tag "Marco" or "Polo." Sometimes it didn't matter which one was tagged; locate the sound and move toward it. At other times, they had to distinguish between the voices for "Marco" and "Polo." You can also modify this game for backyard playtime.
Observation, Discrimination and Organization
One of the most frequent comments I hear about children with Language Learning Disabilities is that they are so unorganized. They are unable to plan what they want to say, so they talk around the subject, ultimately missing the point of their comment. These are the children who go on and on and on… without actually answering your questions or finishing their stories.
When they try to clean their room, it takes hours and still looks a mess. Why? Because they have no idea where to begin! Does this sound familiar to you?
Here are some tips for parents to help children with organizational skills, including observation and discrimination:
Games:
Games are a fantastic way to engage with your kids in conversation over a mutually enjoyable event. Video games have captured the hearts of our children, but traditional board games also teach valuable skills and lessons. Sorry, Clue, Chutes and Ladders, Guess Who, Chinese Checkers, Battleship, Checkers, Monopoly, Sequence, and Chess are only a few. The card games of Slap Jack, Uno, Crazy Eights, Solitaire, Go Fish, Kings on the Corner, Rummy, Racko, and Cribbage are also great strategy games, developing discrimination, sequence and cause/effect thinking. Social skills, such as following rules, turn-taking, and graciously winning and losing, are also learned through playing games.
Things that go together:
When your child is cleaning their room, ask them to put all of (name the category - dirty clothes, clean clothes, socks, shoes, towy with wheels, blocks, and so forth - on a bottom shelf, in the middle bin, in the top drawer, and so forth.
When you are putting away clean dishes or groceries in the kitchen separate the food by location where it is kept and talk about where they go. Dry goods (flour, sugar, cereals, and so forth), seasonings (salt, pepper, cinnamon, and so forth), silverware, cups, and so forth. Have your children sort and put away items by their categories.
They will learn new vocabulary, the concept of categorical connections by similarities and vocabulary. In addition, they are learning to follow instructions with directional (location) words.
Crafts:
For older children, Crafts such as cross-stitching, model building, construction activities like following Lego directions, weaving potholders, and latch-hook rug making provide experiences in perseverance and satisfaction evolving from having an example for a job well done. When kids follow a sequence to create something and stay engaged over time until it is finished, tangible results serve as proof that they can look back on for encouragement when faced with a challenge again. Crafting instills enjoyment and satisfaction gained from seeing projects through to completion.
Puzzles.
When parents work a puzzle with a child, they model an organized sequence of steps and help develop the child's visual discrimination skills. Start with board puzzles (the kind with large pieces and the edge is part of the board, but has smooth edges for the pieces that fit against the outside edge of the board). Then, move on to large jigsaw puzzles with bigger pieces, typically 30 to 50 pieces.
1. Make groups of pieces: Put similar patterns and colors together. Put the edges and corners together. (observation)
2. Assemble the edges and corners.
3. Choose unique patterns and color groups around the edge that match with groups of inside pieces. (discrimination) 4. Next, look for pieces that lock into the puzzle or have a space for the puzzle to lock into the piece. Also, look for similar shape patterns. For example, a round point for interlocking at the top and bottom with an open curve on each side.
Show them a system, a process to use when putting the puzzles together. Do this by putting a puzzle together and talking about what you are doing as you work.
"Hmmm...I need a pinkish color piece with one 'outy'."
"I'm looking for a point on the outside edge."
"I found it! There's the point and it has an 'outy',"
Children watch and copy their parents. Use this to teach. Do not criticize the child's attempt at the task. Instead, ask questions. Make comments.
"What shape do you need?
Does it have an 'inny' or an 'outy' (pointing to the type of shape you are referencing where the pieces intersect.)?
Or "Where do you want to put a piece?
"What color do you need? Is it like this or like that?" (pointing).
Ask them questions, as needed to lead them to to pieces that will fit. Remember, it is essential to let them solve the problem, try out pieces that don't work, then try again. They will learn perseverance and resilience. They are learning how to solve their own problems through this process.
Drawing and Copying designs:
There are some great drawing videos for children on YouTube. The 'guide' gives simple directions and talks about the lines and shapes as they demonstrate. Directional and shape vocabulary develops basic vocabulary and sequence skills for following directions. One example is the Art for Kids Hub.
A bit more challenging would be to draw a copy of a picture or follow directions on how to draw using books. This activity demonstrates how to draw a picture in a succession of steps, which requires focus, listening skills, visual-spatial skills, and hand-eye coordination. Copying simple patterns and designs, such as with a "Lite Brite Magic Screen," is also excellent for visual discrimination and hand-eye coordination.
One example of a drawing book is "How to Draw Everything: 600 Simple Step-by-Step Drawings." There are no words; only step-by-step pictures follow an order to draw each part. When parents do this with the child, and talk about what they are drawing at the same time, the child is learning to verbalize directions, sequences, and label shapes. Make the activity interactive by asking the child questions, such as, "Which part was harder to draw?" "Is that a big curve or a little curve?"